The discovery of Rashmi’s bali by Peanut John had unsettled me. In times of distress, there was only one man that I could turn to and that was Yoda himself, Ani Bahal, my friend and companion on campus.
“Yaar, I was just sitting and chatting to Rashmi in the room and then Peanut Butter came in and handed her bali to her. Do you think they are still fucking each other even now?”
Ani took a deep puff from his bong and let out a huge ball of smoke. Then he closed his eyes for a while and said “How can you be sure of that? We locked her door last time but still, we did not know whether they were at it or not. Maybe she actually lost it somewhere and he gingerly came to return it to her.” he said while smiling. He looked pleased with my show of sudden discomfort.
“Anyway, why are you so pissed? There are many other fishes in the sea.”
“Well, in a campus of 120, there are only 15 girls. Half of them look like men anyway and the rest are taken. What am I supposed to do?” I said looking agitated.
Ani smiled and said, “Why don’t you rub some ChapStick on your lips?” He moved closer to me as he said that. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at this juncture. What am I to do? Am I to turn gay now in order to satisfy my sexual urges? And that too with my own enlightened master Ani Bahal? As I was contemplating the fate of my ever-changing sexuality, BANG! The room door opens and in popped Toss Bansal.
“Arrey yaar, tum yanhan ho, I also want to smoke pot guys. Just once, I want to feel how it is. I am told charaaas pee ke mala wala karney meein bada maaaza ata hein.” Toss said with excitement as if like a child wanting to try a new thing.
Ani Bahal rolled a joint for him and handed it over to Toss Bansal. He took two big puffs and BANG! The heavens opened up for him. He must have seen the Nordic lights dazzling in front of him as he collapsed on the bed.
“Yaar saab itna rangin kesey lag raha hei, saab slow motion ho gaya hei, it’s like everything has slowed down. Muujhey wo sinking wali feeling ho rah hey.” said Toss still reeling from the aftereffects of the herb.
“Yaar iski tho taayein taayein phisss ho gayi hei.” Ani remarked.
“It’s ok, pehli baar ayeesaa hei hota hei, I think he will sleep here for a couple of days.” I said.
“Arrey Toss, you sleep here on my bed. No need to drive back, you are in no state to drive a car.”
“Yaar par mala wala, mala wala kaaaab karun ga.” Toss inquired innocently.
“Ab tu mala wala choodh bas ab tu hila hila, hila hila.” pat came my reply as I looked at Toss and made a lurid gesture at him with my hands.
Both Ani and I burst out laughing at this joke.
Well, I thought to myself, even after so much of love and effort, if I could still not bed Rashmi Verma, I also had only one option left. And that was HILA HILA!
All characters and events depicted in this story are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to actual events or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.